Oprah's Secret to Success
“It’s about peeling back the layers of fear that keep you mired in that part of the brain that says “I can’t,” and finally realizing that you absolutely can, and you should, and you must seize this day. ”
Once, while being interviewed on a talk show, Oprah Winfrey was asked what she believed was the most important life skill to possess. After thinking for a brief moment, she smiled and said, the ability "to leave the front porches of our lives."
She went on to explain that while she had left her old home town of Kosciusko, Mississippi many years before, there were many of the same people still sitting on their same old "front porches." As Oprah spoke, you could imagine them in their rocking chairs, doing the same things, and having the same conversations about the same people, places, and things.
“I remember standing on the back porch looking through the screen. My grandmother was boiling clothes and saying, ‘Watch this because one day you’re going to have to learn how to do this.’ And I remember thinking, No I’m not.’ ”
Oprah, obviously, had to leave many "personal porches" in order to become a superstar talk show host, actress, producer, and mega entrepreneur.
“I believe that the only courage anybody ever needs is the courage to follow your own dreams.”
WHY IT’S DIFFICULT TO “DE-PORCH”
“Every time we choose safety, we reinforce fear.”
While departing from the verandas of our lives and having adventures may sound very exciting, creating new experiences can be quite challenging. Oftentimes, when dealing with a passion or important project, our goals can get hijacked by our fears cloaked around a “scarcity” of time, money, knowledge, or skills.
Developing the skill of “De-Porching” can help us to leave the safety zones in our lives. This ability will allow us to create a more masterful relationship with change and the unknown.
Unfortunately, many of us stay close to “home” regardless of how confining and stifling the environment may be, due to two powerful words, familiar and family. Both words are derived from the Latin familia, that’s defined as: known, intimacy, household, treated with special loyalty, etc.
Bear in mind we’re not discussing the word “comfortable” or “safe,” but rather familiar. In other words, many people can be in dysfunctional relationship or toxic job yet because these things are familiar – they remain there.
Is it any wonder then that unless we encourage ourselves to do new things, or at least perform the same activities differently, we risk remaining bonded forever with our "familia" environments and routines regardless of our intelligence, talent, or education?
Dr. Erik H. Erickson, a Pulitzer Prize winning author and pioneer in the field of human development, expressed it best when he wrote, "Change always requires the abandonment of the familiar."
Psychologists also know that the avoidance of perceived pain is a more controlling deterrent than passion is a motivator.
WHY VENTURE OUT FROM A HOME BASE?
Getting off a “front porch" (mentally, physically, or emotionally) is not for everyone. In fact, many of us were born to be happy and “settled in” porch people for our entire lives. And this is fine. After all, some of us are content and satisfied “home bodies” whose DNA just doesn’t contain any "off-porch" wants or needs.
However, if you’re reading this book, chances are you’re not a natural born "porch dweller." Instead, you’re yearning to gather the courage and bravely venture into an unexplored “neighborhood.”
“If you feel safe in the area you’re working in you are not working in the right area. Always go a little further into the water than you feel you are capable of being in. Always go a little bit out of your depth and where you don’t feel that your feet are quite touching the bottom. Then, you’re just about in the right place to do something exciting. ”
Using the Law of Exchange
We can have an easier time dealing with change by experimenting with the concept of exchange - the willingness to swap something old for something new. However, for this to occur, we must trust that letting go of something known in exchange for something unknown will not be as painful as we fear. We also must trust that, ultimately, we will win more and lose less when trading in certainty or uncertainty. This can be very challenging because our status quo survival mechanism usually fears losing more than it likes gaining.
Daring to Depart
Stepping Out
Dare to let your interest in pursuing something new outvote your allegiance to your doubts and concerns. Interestingly enough, the word “curious” comes from the Latin root “cura,” = cure, care, clean.)
Barbra Streisand Discomfort
Many years ago, during a television interview, Barbra Streisand admitted that when she began directing her first movie she became very upset because directing the movie triggered a lot of discomfort that she didn’t experience in the recording studio. And she reacted by resisting and pushing back on the discomfort.
Then she had an empowering insight. In the world of music, she was a seasoned singer and recording artist; however, in the realm of movies, she was a fledgling director who was doing everything for the very first time. Once she surrendered and relaxed into this reality, her goal was to get more comfortable with her discomfort.
Surrendering to the Discomfort
Understanding the word surrendering can get a little tricky to fully comprehend, so let me give you the following example.
One way to view the surrendering experience is to remember those old western movies where the cowboy is attempting to “break-in” a wild horse by trying to place a saddle on its back. As we all know, once this action is taken all hell breaks loose in the world of the horse.
However, over time and repetition the horse learns to resist less and to “let” more as the saddle becomes more familiar. Once this occurs, the cowboy and horse are able to develop a more harmonious and productive relationship.
Check Out the Experience
After bravely “stepping out” and into an unexplored territory, assess how you are feeling. Which “pre-trepidations” were true and which were false?
And, if you’re not feeling traumatized ask yourself, “Am I now willing to stay in motion by taking yet another step forward?
“He walked outside and pulled his collar up around his ears. He felt the cold snap of change in the air. The sky was clear as clear as he had ever seen it. He had no idea what was ahead and uncertain of what he left behind. He took a deep breath and turned around to take one last look. He shoved his hands deep into pockets and then stepped off the front porch.”
Oprah’s Non-Master Plan
When Oprah was asked whether she had designed a master plan that helped her to create her incredible life, she looked surprised by the question and answered, “How in the world could I ever have
envisioned all of this?” It was as if she had replied, “All I ever did was to keep De-Porching and making adjustments along the way.”
NOTES FROM MY HEART
Many tennis balls ago, I got a call from Suzanne de Passe, the protégé of Berry Gordy (the founder of the Motown Record empire). Suzanne asked if I could come over to Berry’s Malibu getaway home, and teach tennis to some of her visiting guests. I juggled some plans and the next day arrived at Berry’s estate. (At the time I was teaching tennis privately, on the west side of Los Angeles.)
So, who do you think was on Suzanne’s tennis guest list? None other than Oprah, Steadman, Farrah Fawcett, and Ryan O’Neal! Breathe Al, Breathe!!! You’re right, this wasn’t my average day of teaching tennis.
My first student was an eager Oprah. (By the way, she’s a good athlete with very good timing.) After completing her lesson, we walked back to the house. Upon arriving, we discovered a note telling us that everyone had gone for a walk on the beach. So, there I was alone with Oprah inside of a Malibu estate. So, what do you think happened next?
Well, well, well, as we were sitting in the living room, and sipping on something, she began - asking me a slew of questions. And, even when I wanted to slip in a query of my own, she’d beat me to the punch by enthusiastically throwing in another question. Also, she always seemed genuinely interested in hearing the answers to her questions.
Next, as soon as the group returned, it was Steadman’s tennis time. (Working with Steadman was like teaching a professional athlete the skills of tennis for his retirement days. (Yes, a very talented dude.)
As I learned later, while I was working with Steadman, Oprah squeezed in a beach walk with my friend Vera, who, at my request, also had been invited.
After their walk and during one of my breaks, I asked Vera about her solo time with the queen of television. She shared that what had occurred was fascinating. Oprah kept quizzing her with a barrage of questions about her childhood in France and her craft as a painter.
So, picture Oprah’s vacation. You’re a superstar talk show host, taking a needed break from your grueling interviewing schedule, and then, while on holiday, what do you do to relax? Why, you continue asking questions to every new person you meet!
Talk about Oprah finding a profession that was right up her natural alley. Quite amazing!
Oprah’s Second Secret
Perhaps it was Oprah’s genuine interest in people, places, and things that fueled her long television career and separated her from every other daytime talk show host. (It’s estimated that Oprah interviewed
a staggering 30,000 people in her lifetime, before ending her show.)
On a playful note, rather than viewing herself as a talk show host, perhaps Oprah thought of herself as a curious, asking, listening, and learning hostess!
CONCLUSION
Ultimately, Heroes are committed to following their passions by risking, honoring their inquisitiveness, and “de-porching.” This courageous dedication to expanding and “branching-out, rather than to contracting and “branching-in,” enables them to keep broadening their “horizons” – one step and experience at a time!
“While engaging with a precious dream will deliver self-satisfaction, it also will activate growing pains as we continue blossoming into ourselves.”
