The Mastery Course from a Toddler
A few years ago, I was attending a health and wellness convention in Los Angeles. By the end of this four-day event, I had listened to over 20 speakers, attended five workshops, and had filled up six spiral notebooks with valuable information.
For the closing ceremony, the remaining participants were invited to form a huge circle with their chairs. After sitting down, we were asked to take turns sharing our most inspirational or valuable piece of wisdom that we had learned during the event.
I immediately picked up my notebooks and began scanning through my highlighted gems. However, as I was thumbing through the pages, something inside of the circle kept distracting me.
A small child, who had been content sitting on his father’s lap, spotted his mother seated directly across from him and was no longer content hanging out with Daddy. He wriggled and squirmed so relentlessly that his dad finally gave in and let him stand up on the carpet and use his knee for stability, as his son lasered in on Mommy.
Then, the little guy suddenly let go of his father’s knee and began walking towards his mother. However, there was one problem. He hadn’t yet mastered the skill of walking. And so, after taking several wobbly steps, he lost his remaining balance and fell onto the carpet.
Both parents, rather than immediately jumping up and racing to his rescue, waited a beat to see how their son would react to the fall – in front of so many people.
What I saw was fascinating. After hitting the carpet, the little guy began to cry and remained down for many seconds. But then, after his sobs subsided, with untrained muscles, he slowly got up and, with determination, took a few more steps before falling again.
And he remained committed to his pattern of stepping, falling, crying, waiting, rising, stepping, and once again falling until the tiny tyke fell into his mother’s outstretched arms.
After witnessing this scenario, I put all of my notebooks down, knowing that I had just had my most insightful moment of the entire convention.
“Master-full” Baby Lessons Learned
How I interpreted the scenario was that each step of the way, the baby’s determination was so strong that it kept overriding his fear of falling, pain, or lack of abilities -- as he kept falling his way to success. And while he didn’t have the vocabulary to be “walking his talk,” he certainly was “walking his walk” even with primitive skills.
“You don’t have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step.”
His persistence and resiliency also reminded me that it’s not whether or not we keep falling down, but rather how we respond after smelling the carpet. Do we turn the disruption and disappointment into a temporary interruption, or do we turn the fall into a permanent dream killing event?
“We’re not afraid of occasionally falling flat on our face. It’s much more fun in life to give things a try.”
From a failing grade to being heart-broken, from a scathing review to a rejection letter from a school or publisher, from losing in the finals to receiving a pink slip, how “meaning-full” we choose to make these trip-ups, barricades, and detours is the name of the Heroic Game.
Different Shades of Resignation
Be aware that after hitting the carpet we can hide our fear of getting back up by cloaking it in disguises such as:
repeating stories and “reasonable” rationalizations why it’s O.K. to stay down.
seeking agreement and hanging out with others who haven’t gotten back up,
blaming someone else for killing our passion,
trying to convince ourselves and others that our vision was impossible and not that important to us,
or deciding that life is too short to risk feeling so much despondency or humiliation ever again.
After Hitting the “Carpet”
Heroes have developed a realistic relationship with the thoughts and emotions that get triggered after missing the mark. They understand that if they truly cared about their target, of course they’d feel the deep pangs of pain and disappointment when something so heartfelt falls short.
“There is no failure, just premature stopping.”
In addition, while they may hate the feelings unleashed after a failed attempt, they don’t permit these shattering emotions to prevent them from dusting themselves off, making adjustments, and continuing their passionate journey. Come rain, snow, or sleet, love of their mission and tenacity are their most reliable motivational forces. Dr. Angela Duckworth, in her research and book about high achievers, describes this tenacious attribute as Grit.
“We age not by years but by events and our emotional reactions to them.”
Conclusion
After a devastating experience, and once we’ve taken time to feel and heal, the two Heroic questions become, “How deeply do I still believe in and care about this goal? And, “Am I now willing to regroup, recommit, and restart my interrupted mission that is still calling out to me?”
Whenever stifling thoughts or overwhelming emotions surface, allow them fully to express themselves, while not allowing them to vote.
Without suffrage rights, these fear-filled advisors will begin losing their sphere of influence over us. The benefit being, we’ll have more freedom to return to and nurture our starving dream.
“A bend in the road is not the end of the road, unless you fail to make the turn.”
At some point in our lives, we will have to decide who will be directing our lives: a cherished goal or the emotional bumps and bruises we are terrified of encountering and feeling along the way.
“if you can’t run then walk, if you can’t walk then crawl, whatever you do you have to keep moving forward.”
